"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next."

Friday, June 15, 2018

2018 Time Stamp #2

The world of words has a deeper well in written than in spoken, for which reason I find myself retreating to my written or typed journals--this blog being one of a few outlets, albeit the most public.

My wife just had her 36th birthday; I'll be turning 32 in a month. Our 3 boys gave us the most difficult year of our lives last year, and the recovery from it has been slow. In fact, from where I stand, it's becoming clear that the last 7 years has been hard, too hard, but I ignored my family's plights and subtle cries for help, and instead insisted on focusing on what subconsciously scared me the most--money.

My boss has indirectly been my mentor, via him, his family, and his tight-nit company. He recently told me that we are only afraid of that which we cannot understand. Once we understand the entity that frightens us, we learn how to avoid or control it, and by doing so are no longer afraid of it.

I blame myself for the mountain of problems that accumulated--nervous breakdowns, my stress-induced illnesses, my boys' stealing (amounting to over 100,000 yen of cash alone), my boys' school refusal, my oldest son's dropping out of JHS, losing all of his friends, and developing depression symptoms, and the list is endless, resulting in my marriage going into jeopardy.

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