"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next."

Monday, January 20, 2014

All Grown Up

  I know I say this often, but it really is shocking to realize how big my boys have become. It goes to show how busy I am, that I lose track of time. I'm simply not conscious of the minutes and hours that go by, some times not even the days. Am I not really living, or is this how life is? Before I know it my boys will have all grown up. Wahh!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year of 2014! I have a feeling that this is going to be a good year because it started off with a bang. I quit my job of 3 years, had a 2 week vacation with my family, and started my new job day before yesterday, and so far it's going great. 

Our two boys have stepped up a notch in their maturity with the added responsibility of our 3rd child's coming. For a while we had a streak of difficulty in their getting along with each other. But after setting a higher standard and making it clear that we'll be expecting more of them, they're doing a lot better. 

Kenji started soccer club, and Deryk is learning how to make friends. It's clear that they're both progressing real well in their lives. I can't say how happy I am to see that they're happy. 

And babe, the following is to you. I don't know when you'll get around to reading this, but I'm about to spell out some very true words:

In the busyness of our lives, you may not have the space to breath enough or to ponder enough to realize the extent of the sacrifice you're making for our child. Or perhaps you are fully aware of it, and you're braving the hardship feeling that very few around you would understand anyway. 

Maybe you're feeling also that I don't understand or that I'm too busy to care enough. Truth be told, part of that is sadly true. But I want you to know that I do see the enormous amount of self-sacrifice you're giving for our child. The little freedom that you had before is now completely gone, and practically you have nothing left of yourself to give because you're giving your all. I see that.

I may be too busy to care enough at times, and I'm sorry for those times. But in my heart I feel what you might be going through, and when I can I try to support you. I also know that no amount of care could suffice to shoulder your load, as there are so many things to a new born that only the mother can do. 

So I hope and pray that I can find the right balance and still financially support our family in this falling economy. I know that I'll continue to need to make difficult decisions or decisions that take me away from being there for you when you need me. But I hope that those situations can be few and that I will be able to find a place in this new job I have and that it'll be good for me and our family. 

I have a lot more to say, but here I am typing away with our little baby on my lap, and he's getting a little restless having to stare at the boring computer screen. I'll end this by saying that I love you and that I'll do my best to be a support when you need me.