"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next."

Friday, February 5, 2016

22. Journal

Reminder to self: (If blogger.com still exists 10 years from now) This blog is for my kids, who are my song and passion. One is strong; the other weak. A daredevil and a cautious observer. One is too young to tell. 3 boys that rule and dominate my world.
Mommy and I got together because of fate more than any other explanation. Truth be told, it wasn't pure love or attraction at the threshold. As every other intuition that has proven to guide and direct my life and actions, it was the same when I chose to marry mommy under such unconventional terms and circumstances.
It's clear to me, years later (it's been 8 years since meeting) that we choose what kind of lifestyle we have. It's all a build-up of minuscule decisions and choices that determine the present and what we interpret as reality. Our reality is what we fucking make it--as simple as that.
As crazy as this sounds to the average person, I've followed my gut from the beginning and it's always proven to work out for me and my purpose in the end. Getting together and marrying a person of simple stature and fatalistic thinking, I've accepted that I will forever struggle with misunderstandings and misconceptions concerning everything that makes me what I am.
You'll think I'm absurd when you read this, but my entire world is based upon my strong and unrelenting idea and expectation of my life. I have no doubt in my mind that it wasn't luck that made me manager of my school of 650 students. I demanded it. I would settle for nothing less, and everything gave way to my stubborn pursuit. Even if nothing else works out for me in my future, I will remember that I jumped into this career with both fucking feet knowing that I was un-certified and definitely uncertain, but expecting that my willpower and determination would get me through. It definitely did, and I will forever remember this.
Parents and experts at my school literally bow at my feet seeking for counsel and advice. Some beg me for counsel and are willing to wait months and years for results that I've promised. I'm head deep in school and business problems, but in this moment of selfless thinking I want to say that I never thought I'd get this far. When I was divorced and alone with a 10 month old child to care for, jobless, degree-less, uneducated, and fucked up, screwed over by a cult and a wench, I never thought that I'd be back on my two feet. Now that I am, and better than that--now that I'm 100% self-sufficient and a street-smart man of the world, I forget how lucky I am.
I'm lucky to have a supportive wife and 3 kids that love me to bits. I'm lucky to not have stress other than the stress of not having any stress. Fuck! I'm damn lucky to be able to say all this.